Wednesday, December 31, 2008

10 Changes You Might See Coming to Your Workplace

While I thought about writing an uplifting, inspirational post today -- the last day of 2008 -- the truth is that I'm very much a realist at heart. Sure, I believe in hoping for the best -- but I'm one of those people who always prepares for the worst.

I do have great hopes for 2009. I hope that the economy will improve, that those who have been laid off will find jobs and the St. Louis Cardinals will take the World Series this year. Still, I think it might be a good idea to have a few caveats along with all those warm and fuzzy thoughts.

So, as my last post of this this year, here are...

10 Changes You Might See Coming to Your Workplace

1. The boss tells you management is trying to find ways to cut unnecessary costs, and it may mean everyone has to "pitch in" more. When you arrive at work the next morning, a snow shovel, a weed whacker and a garden rake are sitting beside your desk.

2. In order to cut real estate costs, your employer is subletting office space. The Chinese restaurant being run out of your meeting room is playing havoc with your diet. Still, it's better than the hair salon being operated in the break room. Those perms smell terrible.

3. On the day the copier is taken away because it's deemed "frivolous" equipment, the CEO arrives in a new Bentley and declares he's leaving for some time away in the south of France, because the office mood is "such a downer."

4. Outside business consultants can be expensive, so the powers that be brought in Miss Miller's 5th grade class to give book reports on "How to Win Friends and Influence People." You were especially impressed by the kid who dressed up as Dale Carnegie while reading his report.

5. The jerk boss who treated you and everyone else like dirt was just featured in the local newspaper because he invested every dime he had with Bernard Madoff. You grin like an idiot for two days, prompting human resources to talk to you about the dangers of recreational drug use.

6. The company used to provide Blackberries and cell phones, but say they're no longer in the budget. Instead, each employee is given a blanket, matches, firewood and a book, "Smoke Signals for Dummies."

7. Management sends out a letter saying that employee copies of "Who Moved My Cheese" are not appropriate fuel for the new smoke signal method.

8. Your new intern is Rod Blagojevich. You understand he came very, very cheap, but still spends too much time in the break room getting his hair blown dry.

9. The co-workers in your office who travel a lot have taken to wearing coveralls on the road. They say jumping into railroad boxcars while they're moving is hell on their nice suits.

10. You won't have to travel far for the company retreat this year. A Hibachi grill, wading pool and a generator for Guitar Hero are waiting in the back parking lot.

What are some other things we can expect in the workplace for 2009?

Lijit Search


Anonymous said...

You're good Anita. Very good (and very bad!) Great writing (as you do so, so well).
Hau‘oli makahiki hou; Happy New Year!

Paige said...

I'm glad for the realistic post today. I think you make some funny, but expected points about changes in the workplace. We left 2008 with a letter from the President saying there would be some changes...but not specific to what they are going to be. I'm anxious to see what 09 brings for my company.
Love reading your blog!

Anita said...

Here's hoping that these points remain funny -- and not so realistic. Hope 2009 has great things in store for you, and thanks as always for reading and commenting.

Anita said...

Mahalo, my friend. Same to you.

David Benjamin said...

This is a great start.

#11) You show up at the company's X-Mas party, catered by Little Cesears and find out that each employee gets a free slice and a pop. When you grab a 2nd piece you're told "It's coming out of your next paycheck...times are tough."

Anonymous said...

You return to work and discover four more desks in your office. You are excited thinking you will be getting extra help. Then you find out the entire accounting department is now housed in your office to save on real estate costs.

Happy New Year!

Roberta Matuson
Job Search Mentor

Anita said...

Ooohh...see you've caught onto the spirit of this list! Good one...thanks!

Anita said...

...and your entire department has been moved to the parking garage...and you're working out of your car trunk....!

Anonymous said...

#6 hit home. Read in the local paper that Louisiana's Governor Jindal is cutting back on Blackberries for state employees to save money.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for this. Made me laugh!

Anonymous said...

The one from yourhrstats & your #10 kinda happened to one of my previous companies. A couple of years ago, I don't think we ever had a company retreat, but we did had a carnival knock-off in the company parking lots with hotdogs & some sort of fruit punch.
#13 Youtube videos is now the main source of new training materials.

Anita said...

Time to brush up on those smoke signal skills, eh? :)

Anita said...

So glad I gave you find a laugh at the end of this insane year. Here's to a great New Year!

Anita said...

Often, there's nothing stranger than the truth! Love your #13...great addition.

Anonymous said...

Really good Anita. And, a good laugh is very. . . redemptive? Anyway, rolling with the punches can also be a lot of fun!

Anita said...

Glad I provided some relief -- I think we're going to have to remember to laugh in the coming year to make it through.

Anonymous said...

Absolutely hilarious!

To make up for a slump in sales, your boss decides to schedule weekly bake sales (ala a junior high fundraiser) in the office lobby.

Cookies anyone?

Anita said...

Careful...your boss might be reading this. Better brush up on that brownie recipe...:)

Neha said...

Anita, just found your blog today. This post was hilarious!

Anita said...

Thanks! Glad you enjoyed it and hope you'll stop by often!