Friday, January 23, 2009

8 Signs Your Company May Have Received Government Bailout Money

There have been many requests for a piece of the bailout pie from lots of companies, including Hustler magazine and the guy from "Girls Gone Wild."

Exactly who is going to finally get some of the TARP (Trouble Asset Relief Program) money remains to be seen, but here are 8 signs your company may have received a bit of that bailout pie:

1. The boss arrives for work in a plane piloted by Tom Cruise. Katie Holmes is a flight attendant.

2. The entire third floor of the company has been converted into a golf driving range and practice tee. Tiger Woods gives lessons every Thursday afternoon.

3. Pizza for the Friday afternoon pizza party is flown in from Italy. Empty pizza pans are flown back to Italy to be washed.

4. Any executive who shows up for work during a month with an "R" in it automatically receives a new condo in Bermuda because of such workplace dedication.

5. Company memo says that while the holiday party for employees was canceled because of costs, the executives will be traveling to Paris for a Valentine's Day getaway with significant others. The stress has been brutal on families, the memo notes, and the execs need some "snuggle bunny" time.

6. Cirque du Soleil has been hired to do the window washing. Management says the former washers "lacked synergy."

7. The company board of directors says they can't think creatively in the current conference room, so they're converting it into a water park, complete with surfing feature. The board chairman is now to be referred to as "Top Dude."

8. When asked about salary transparency, the CFO laughs so hard he wets himself.

What are some other signs an employer may have received a recent infusion of cash from the government?

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Anonymous said...

LOL! Love this list! Great way to end the week. Thanks.

Anita said...

Glad you enjoyed it. Have a great weekend.

Neha said...

#3 is priceless, keep the funnies coming...

Anita said...

Thanks! Glad to know you enjoyed it!